"Where Are We? What the Hell is Going On?"

This is going to be a difficult post to write. So if there is anyone out there who might happen to actually read this blog, forgive me if it's hard to comprehend. here goes...

On the 31st of March, I received terrible news. I was told that my friend's little brother had hanged himself. Death is a strange concept to me.. I've not been exposed to it much, thankfully.. Upon hearing the news, I was shocked to the point of disbelief. Even now, I find it hard to accept that it is real. I did not know how to comfort my friend. I could not even begin to imagine the pain she is feeling. Last Wednesday I attended the funeral. I have never seen so much misery in one place, and being the sheltered little Nikki I am, I found it hard to cope with. I was really very fond of Boy, he was one of the best Friend's-Sibling people in my life. We got along well, and chatted a few times. He was a friendly child, quiet and reserved. I still cannot understand that he is gone, my brain won't accept it. My heart goes out to his family, I wish I could do more to comfort them. My friend and I will be making them a gift, a photograph of Boy with certain lyrics written over it.

After Boy's death, I spoke to many of my friends, as we all tried to handle the truth and support one another. Possibly my most supportive friend was a boy I've known since we went to nursery school together, Sebastian. Bas is like a little brother to me, he is one of my favourite friends, though I hardly got to see him or speak to him until very recently. Before Boy's passing, Bas and I started talking because his girlfriend had dumped him. He was crushed and he came to me for comfort. I did my best to make him feel better. Last weekend I took him out to take his mind off of things.. We went to a birthday party  and had a good time. He slept over and the nest day we went for a drive and got lots and lots of sweet snacks and ate like fatties and watched movies with my brother. Today, my mother received a message on Facebook from Sebastian's cousin, our old tenant. Sebastian died today. As yet, nobody has told me what happened. It makes it so much worse not knowing. We discussed suicide a lot during our conversationa about Boy. Bassie and I agreed that it was a terrible thing and we wouldn't want to leave our loved ones behind. I hope and pray that Bas did not take his own life. I will be so angry if he did. I love that kid so much and it's even harder to accept that he's gone, especially since no one has told me what happened. Bas and I may have had an unconventional relationship, hardly ever seeing each other, but he was a very special person in my life. I love him so much. I made him a bracelet 3 years ago and even though we never see each other, he still wears it. I'd see him tagged in photos on Facebook and he'd always be wearing that same bracelet. I could have seen him one last time at Boy's funeral, but he only came for a short time and we missed one another. I wish I'd seen him.

It's not real. None of it is real. I've come to understand that so many things are just so trivial. In the end, none of it matters, nothing really matters besides your relationships with the people you love. I need to learn to tell my friends I love them more often.

Boy, even though we hardly knew one another, I miss you. So many people do. We all care about you and it will be difficult carrying on without your presence, however quiet, in our lives.
Bas, I hope that everything is okay. I hope that you are okay. I love you and I can't remember if I ever told you. You are so important to me Bassie. I hope you are with Brianna now.
Boy and Bas, you guys look after each other. I will see you again one day and we'll have a huge party. Bas, no acid puking though!

(The song we will put on the gift for Boy's family, Brianna's song.. Fly, by Celine Dion)

Fly, fly little wing
Fly beyond imagining
The softest cloud, the whitest dove
Upon the wind of heaven's love
Past the planets and the stars
Leave this lonely world of ours
Escape the sorrow and the pain
And fly again

Fly, fly precious one
Your endless journey has begun
Take your gentle happiness
Far too beautiful for this
Cross over to the other shore
There is peace forevermore
But hold this mem'ry bittersweet
Until we meet

Fly, fly do not fear
Don't waste a breath, don't shed a tear
Your heart is pure, your soul is free
Be on your way, don't wait for me
Above the universe you'll climb
On beyond the hands of time
The moon will rise, the sun will set
But I won't forget

Fly, fly little wing
Fly where only angels sing
Fly away, the time is right
Go now, find the light